Look the Film: White Men Can’t Jump

White Men Can't Jump

The purpose of a Look the Film dedicated to making you look like a chump is obscure even to me.

But here it is regardless.

It might be that 90s dorkism is about to make a roaring return. It might be an homage to the warmer months when you could (theoretically) get away with dressing like this. It might be because a friend requested it and I had no better ideas to hand. I digress, here we go, how to dress like Woody Harrelson’s chump from White Men Can’t Jump.

And on first look, surprise surprise, there has already been a direct basketball boot tie-in from Nike. The Nike Hyperlite was launched in 2009, with the simple white outer and flash of neon yellow across the sole’s heel. Alas, it seems no cynical movie/shoe combo is going to be easy for Look the Film, with these no longer available. Forgoing the defining yellow streak, the Nike Court Force Hi (£45, JD Sports), offers a subtly grey shoe, dorky enough to make even Woody Harrelson look like a herbert.

And so began a search for socks: so grey and 90s they look capable of producing a pong hitherto particular to adolescent boys. After an exhaustive(ish) search for this grey/red stripe combo I reached a compromise (or was defeated and settled for) Light Grey Striped socks (£12.00, TopMan). This way we can pay homage to the Nike’s missing yellow by selecting the yellow topped pair from the five pack.

A caveat: never buy shorts like those in this picture. Certainly never buy them to play basketball in. The Quiksilver Murf 22’s (£45, boardshorts.co.uk) mimic the trashiness of Billy Hoyle’s b-ball shark, but are otherwise inexcusable. Some classic 90s layering is needed up top, with a French Terry Drop-Shoulder Sweatshirt (£39, American Apparel) forming a base layer for the lack-of-sense-defining Parental Advisory T-shirt (£14.99, 8ball.co.uk) to play on top of.

A bigger caveat: I do not endorse the wearing of caps. I just give thanks that I live in a world where finding a cap as bad as the one in White Men Can’t Jump is this difficult. I spent hours trying to find a pig ugly, tie dyed multicolour hat, and I settled on this Lady’s Union Jack Pink Heart Design Diamante Baseball Cap (£5.36, Universal Textiles). A travesty.

Nike Court Force Hi – £45
Light Grey Striped socks (Five pairs) – £12.00
Quiksilver Murf 22’s – £45
French Terry Drop-Shoulder Sweatshirt – £39
Parental Advisory T-shirt – £14.99
Lady’s Union Jack Pink Heart Design Diamante Baseball Cap – £5.36

Total: £161.35

Total including postage (UK): 177.82

As an alternative you could slice open a basketball, stuff £177.82 into it and kick it into the ocean.

Look the Film: Back to the Future II

Back to the Future II

Another Look the Film, another shaky start in the shoe department. The complete Back to the Future II look is more achievable than the Steve Zissou, because the necessary shoes actually exist – albeit in an extremely limited fashion. The Nike Air Mag shoes recently went to auction and sold for what can only be described as ‘lots of money’. 1,500 pairs were available, with the money raised going to The Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson’s Research.

It’s great to see trainer-lust being used for a worthy cause at last, but it does mean the rest of us must compromise. The Air Mags were noteworthy due to self-lacing, glowing and requiring a battery pack. Their other defining feature was an understated cool grey profile, which we uncharitable folk (read: those of us with significantly told wealth) can replicate for this look via the Nike Air Force 1 Mid ’07 (£45, JD Sports).

For the first Back to the Future sequel Costume Designer Joanna Johnstone (Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Forest Gump, The Sixth Sense) stripped back the quad-layering of Marty McFly’s first outing for the retro-future looks of 2015. While not self-drying, the Dassy Lugano Two Tone Work Jacket (£59.99, Brix Workwear) carries the same distinctive grey/red ratio as in the film.

To complete, throw in a pair of ASOS Light Wash Slim Fit Jeans (£25, ASOS) to achieve the broad shoulder down to tapered waist look (if you can). Again, the definitive shoes are hard to come by, but frankly we could all do without one more thing to plug in before bed.
Nike Air Force 1 Mid ’07 – £45
ASOS Light Wash Slim Fit Jeans – £25
Dassy Lugano Two Tone Work Jacket – £59.99

Total Cost: £129.99
Total Cost with postage (UK): £133.94