Look the Film: White Men Can’t Jump

White Men Can't Jump

The purpose of a Look the Film dedicated to making you look like a chump is obscure even to me.

But here it is regardless.

It might be that 90s dorkism is about to make a roaring return. It might be an homage to the warmer months when you could (theoretically) get away with dressing like this. It might be because a friend requested it and I had no better ideas to hand. I digress, here we go, how to dress like Woody Harrelson’s chump from White Men Can’t Jump.

And on first look, surprise surprise, there has already been a direct basketball boot tie-in from Nike. The Nike Hyperlite was launched in 2009, with the simple white outer and flash of neon yellow across the sole’s heel. Alas, it seems no cynical movie/shoe combo is going to be easy for Look the Film, with these no longer available. Forgoing the defining yellow streak, the Nike Court Force Hi (£45, JD Sports), offers a subtly grey shoe, dorky enough to make even Woody Harrelson look like a herbert.

And so began a search for socks: so grey and 90s they look capable of producing a pong hitherto particular to adolescent boys. After an exhaustive(ish) search for this grey/red stripe combo I reached a compromise (or was defeated and settled for) Light Grey Striped socks (£12.00, TopMan). This way we can pay homage to the Nike’s missing yellow by selecting the yellow topped pair from the five pack.

A caveat: never buy shorts like those in this picture. Certainly never buy them to play basketball in. The Quiksilver Murf 22’s (£45, boardshorts.co.uk) mimic the trashiness of Billy Hoyle’s b-ball shark, but are otherwise inexcusable. Some classic 90s layering is needed up top, with a French Terry Drop-Shoulder Sweatshirt (£39, American Apparel) forming a base layer for the lack-of-sense-defining Parental Advisory T-shirt (£14.99, 8ball.co.uk) to play on top of.

A bigger caveat: I do not endorse the wearing of caps. I just give thanks that I live in a world where finding a cap as bad as the one in White Men Can’t Jump is this difficult. I spent hours trying to find a pig ugly, tie dyed multicolour hat, and I settled on this Lady’s Union Jack Pink Heart Design Diamante Baseball Cap (£5.36, Universal Textiles). A travesty.

Nike Court Force Hi – £45
Light Grey Striped socks (Five pairs) – £12.00
Quiksilver Murf 22’s – £45
French Terry Drop-Shoulder Sweatshirt – £39
Parental Advisory T-shirt – £14.99
Lady’s Union Jack Pink Heart Design Diamante Baseball Cap – £5.36

Total: £161.35

Total including postage (UK): 177.82

As an alternative you could slice open a basketball, stuff £177.82 into it and kick it into the ocean.